Who am I? I actually asked myself that question this past weekend. I have always felt like I knew, but I have reached a point where I am now unsure. So, in keeping up with my usual way of doing things, I decided to write about it.
So many identify people by their occupation. Have you ever noticed that most people who are meeting you for the first time ask you two things… your name, and “what do you do?” Well, I’m a comedian. Gosh, I hear that all the time. “This is Trai… he’s a comedian!” Then I get the usual line of questioning… “Where do you perform? How do you get into comedy? Can you get me Daniel Tosh’s autograph?”
I am also a writer. I also restore, collect, and sell classic cars. I also tend to have a pretty good knack for cooking. (I’m getting better, anyway.) But, that’s not what people want to hear about. They want me to tell them a joke or make them laugh somehow. They want to hear my Dr Phil impression.
I enjoy being a comedian. Don’t misunderstand me, please. I am in my 9th year on stage, and my 7th year on tour. It has been one of the most rewarding and fun times of my entire life. There are very few things that have brought me more happiness than my current occupation. But, there is so much more to me than just that.
I am judged by man… like they have that type of authority or relationship with me in the first place. Christians and non-Christians like to pick me apart and take my inventory day after day and minute by minute. It blows my mind how so many Christians early in my career told me I would go to hell for entertaining drunks in a comedy club. I really missed that part of the bible where the Lord started handing out gavels to His children for them to pound me on the head everytime I did something that didn’t line up with their view of theology.
“You’re not a Christian comedian?” Well, not exactly… I am a comedian who is also a Christian. “Ohhhh. Hmm. Well then. We’ll just have t see about that…”
As I move along down my journey, I continue to stay in motion. Some days it is full speed ahead, but lately it seems that it has been “one step forward and two steps back.” I have gotten so discouraged by the people surrounding me that I have began to question my own value in life. I began to question whether I was even capable of bringing joy into the lives of the ones who were needing me to continue doing it. I was beginning to question whether I was even worthy of breathing the same air as all of the wonderful people who have been constantly biting at my heels. Am I the one that people need? Can I even still do it?
I can’t say that I have the answer right now. I am seeking it, but it remains lost. Each day I want to wake and say that I have a firm grasp on what I need to be doing. I want to wake and say that my foundation is rock solid, and as sturdy and stable as the chair I am sitting in. But, I cannot do that right now.
I want to say that I can stop writing stories like this, and move along to the happy ones that everyone loves and expects from The Alarida Journey. But, it IS a journey. It’s my journey. And sometimes, a GPS will take you down a bumpy dirt road, or even an area that is under construction. Easy street is just ahead, but during that time of reconstruction, you have to hold on tight.
The slogan of The Alarida Journey is “Exalting Christ, Challenging the Mind, and Encouraging the Soul.” Some people have written me and said “You’re not doing that anymore.” Oh, well you’re wrong…
I am not going to sit here on this MacBook and lie to you, and tell you that once you call upon the name of the Lord, everything in your life is going to be smooth. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that once you call upon the name of the Lord, you’re not going to have the same problems twice… or even thrice. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that once you call upon the name of the Lord, you will be able to audibly hear God, and that He will bust open the ceiling of the room you’re praying in, and look you dead in the eyes and say “I’m here, and I’m listening.” He IS there, and He IS listening, but you’ll rarely feel like it.
What I am going to tell you is this… What you’re seeing when you read The Alarida Journey is someone who is not afraid to tell you that he struggles. He’s not afraid to show you what it’s like to have hard times in life. He’s not afraid to tell you the truth, even when it can be a bit scary.
The state of the Journey is this… I am going through some garbage right now. You want me to exalt Christ? You want me to challenge your mind? You want me to encourage your soul? I can do that by telling you that I am surrounded by a handful of friends, appointed by God, who have absolutely been a life support for me through my hard times. Do they have hard times? YEAH! They’re breathing, aren’t they? But they have loving friends who pull them together just as they do for me.
This is where I am. This is also the part of the story where you would typically expect me to jump in with some encouraging coda to make it all better. I don’t have that today. I just… don’t. The only thing I have is the promise that I am not giving up. I’ll make it even if I have to crawl. But, I will make it.
The Alarida Journey 