When We All Get to Heaven

Last month held my mom’s birthday.  If she were still here with me, I would do the normal ritual of taking her to a Country Buffet and having a chocolate cake waiting at her house for when she got back home.  But instead, I left the tour for a few days so I could return home and put flowers on her grave.  This month holds her death day.  I lost mom back in 2010.  It’s had to believe its been three years already.

After she had her second stroke, I had to abandon the tour all together to be by her side as she lie helpless in the nursing home.  Many days were to painful to witness because the strokes eventually robbed her of most memories, including my identity.  I could have just been a nurse for all she knew.  But, I knew who she was, and that is all that mattered.

There were so many times that I would arrive and she was in such severe pain that all she could do is cry aloud.  Relief came when I finally brought in a CD player with select music.  There was one particular song that stands out .  When I would hit play on this track, mom would totally relax… and rest. Sometimes even smile.

“Sing the wondrous love of Jesus,
Sing His mercy and His grace;
In the mansions bright and blessed
He’ll prepare for us a place.”

My mom brought me up in a church that loved the old gospel hymns.  This tune was a regular on Sunday mornings for us.  There were many hand picked hymns on the CD I had prepared for her.  My intention was to bring her relaxation and peace.  This particular one just did something for her that no others could.

I have no idea what thoughts passed through mom’s vacant mind during this time in her life, but I like to believe that Jesus took that opportunity to speak to her… since it was easier to have her undivided attention.  I like to believe that he delivered her visions of what was soon to come for her.

“Onward to the prize before us!
Soon His beauty we’ll behold;
Soon the pearly gates will open;
We shall tread the streets of gold.”

There have been so many ideas of exactly what heaven will be like and look like.  Many are directly from scriptures, and many things are frankly quite exciting!  Mom doesn’t hurt anymore.  Al of the heartaches she endured here on earth are no longer part of her life.  Today, she just praises our Savior.

“When we all get to heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
We’ll sing and shout the victory!”

As I placed the flowers on the marble slab that honors her earth suit, because that’s what you are expected to do… I breathed a sigh of relief.  She’s not in that grave… she’s in heaven.  She’s with Jesus.  Not hurting… not suffering.  Worshiping.  Rejoicing.  Can you feel it?  Can you enjoy the anticipation of what’s to come?  I sure can!  I cannot wait until it’s my time to join Him!  Won’t you join us?

♫♪ I’ve Got Friends That Do ♫♪

I remember wandering off into the forest when I was a child.  I had my trusty dog with me, so I really thought everything would be ok… After all, I was three years old!  The forest behind my house was thick, but there were numerous trails that led back to other areas where the timber companies would harvest the pines.

The further I wandered, the braver I got.  At one point, I finally had to reach the realization… I was lost.  I don’t remember how long it was before my mom, along with the help of my sister and neighbors finally found me, but I remember crying because I was so scared that I would never get out of the forest.  It was a terrifying moment for me.

Today, I still live in that same childhood home, and I still sometimes wander back through that same forest.  I have a little better sense of direction all these years later.  But one thing I always take with me is that I never forget what it was like to be lost.”

 ♫♪ “This is for the nobody
the one in the crowd that’s
got a lost look on his face.
This is for the downtrodden
the one that the world’s forgotten
waiting on a better day.

Well, I’m in no position to judge ‘em,
cause Heaven knows they’re just like me.” ♫♪

My heart goes out to those who are lost in the forest of sin.  The ones who either never took the time to try to know Jesus, and the ones who at one point knew Jesus and walked away from His plan for their lives.  The ones who just never knew what it’s like to be free from sin and bondage, and the ones who got burned, and walked… and now feel that they won’t be accepted back.  I’ve been BOTH of those people.  At one point, that was the story of my life.

♫♪ “And I’m not alone in knowing what it’s like
to wonder where you’re going in the crazy life.
And I’m not alone in knowing how it feels
to pray to God and sometimes wonder if He’s real,
Cause I’ve Got Friends that do.” ♫♪

I have a friend right now who is involved with things he shouldn’t be.

As hard as I try, I cannot seem to break the shell he has built around him.  I try my best to be an example to him and show him what Christ living inside of someone looks like.

I have another friend who truly accepted Christ about a year before he found out he was serve prison time for something that happened many years

before.  Even though Christ resided in his heart, he was still a victim of the time.  What a difficult time he had to endure in keeping a strong faith after something like that.

♫♪ This is for the lost junkie
who spends all his hard earned money
on something that he hates.
This is for the found guilty
who ain’t getting out until he
pays his debt to the state.

Well, I’m in no position to judge ‘em,
cause Heaven knows it could’a been me.

And I may not know what it’s like
to lose a job cause the habit’s got you gripped too tight.
And I may not know how it feels
to lay your head down on a prison bed in a world of steel
But, I’ve Got Friends that do.” ♫♪

I will never be able to reach a lost and dying world for Christ if I forget what it is like to be lost.  I have to be able to relive what it’s like to be in their shoes.  It’s like the old saying, “You have to catch fish before you clean them.”  If I completely distance myself from them, there is no way that I can truly show them who Christ really is.

On that same token, I have to remember what it was like to be lost, and not allow myself to get lost again.  I must remember the misery and terror that tormented me until I was rescued.  That’s what keeps me strong.  And remembering what Jesus did for me on the cross… that’s what really keeps me going.

♫♪ “This is for yours truly,
just a little verse to remind me
we’ve all got somewhere to turn…

And I may not know what it’s like
to send my only Son to save the world and watch Him die.
And I may not know how it feels
to hang there on the cross to prove that love is real
But, I’ve Got Friends that do.” ♫♪

 

“I’ve Got Friends That Do” by Tim McGraw contributed to the composition of this post.

♫♪ The Perfect Fan ♫♪ (to Mom)

Hey Mom, it’s Mother’s Day.  Hate that I can’t see you today, but I have your picture by the computer while I type this.  Mother’s Day has a completely different meaning now with you being so far away.  I see little gifts that I wish I could give you, but I have to remind myself that it’s not possible.  I figured this letter would be sufficient, and that I would actually share it with my friends, and perhaps they could get something out of it as well.

I’ve been taking care of your grave and headstone.  I’m not sure who, but someone really violated my MAJOR pet peeve.  They put those solar sidewalk lights around your grave.  Those things are just creepy!  I mean, no one really needs to be visiting a cemetery at night, and the ones who live in the cemetery CERTAINLY don’t need them!  Few things are creepier than driving past a cemetery at night and seeing little white lights!  I’ve kept them there out of respect for whoever placed them there, but they still give me the heebie jeebies!

♫♪  “It takes a lot to know what it love.
It’s not the big things, but the little things
That can mean enough
A lot of prayers to get me through
And there is never a day that passes by
I don’t think of you
You were always there for me
Pushing me and guiding me
Always to succeed.” ♫♪ 

I’m still a very good drummer.  I practice almost every day.  I still remember that first drum set that you talked the Pastor into selling us after the church bought a new set.  I also remember you regretting it after I kept you and dad awake at night.  But, you were so proud of me when I had the chance to play at church.  I wish I still had the picture that you took of me when I got to play.

I remember just a few years before you died when you were able to come to my comedy show.  I remember you heckling me from the audience a few times, even though you didn’t even know what heckling was… You were just being “you.”  I even remember you asking me after the show “how you did!”

You’ll never know what it meant to me for you to be at that show, because I certainly never thought it would be your last.  I appreciate the money you gave me to pay for the rental of the building and the lighting and audio equipment.  I had plenty to cover it, but you “had to do your part” as you put it.

I had the chance a couple of weeks ago to audition for a major talent competition in Las Vegas.  I went through two auditions in California and made it, but I didn’t advance past Vegas.  You could have seen me on TV!  Oh well, I plan to go back next year and try again.  It would have been cool to make it all the way through though.

♫♪ “God has been so good
Blessing me with a family
Who did all they could
And I’ve had many years of grace
And it flatters me when I see a smile on your face
I wanna thank you for what you’ve done
In hopes I can give back to you
And be the perfect son.” ♫♪ 

It took me “growing up” and learning more about life before I truly understood that you had a troubled soul.  I know that your childhood was totally devastating, including the abandonment of your parents, the abuse you endured from your foster parents, and losing your own mom at a young age.  One thing is for sure, in this family, we’re dropping like flies.

It still blows my mind that you went at such a young age.  It wouldn’t do any good at this point to rehash all of the things I wish could have happened to change the course of history so that maybe you’d still be here today.  I can’t even begin to tell you how many times since the day you left us that I asked myself if I would have been a better son if you might have been much less stressed, and maybe you could have lived just one more decade, one more year, one more day…    Was I part of your stress?  Was I part of your early departure?

I believe you’re in a better place than I am right now.  There are times I wish you were still here though.  Mom, I’ve gone through so much these past few years.  I lost my grandmother, and then right after you had a stroke and literally forgot who my sister and I were, we lost dad…  I needed you so bad, but your mind was away… like it was robbed from you.  I cussed God!  I was so angry at Him!  Today, I realize how selfish it is to want you here, because you’re with the Man who died for you…  I envy you more than you’ll ever know.

But, you raised me in church, and because of that, I get to come see you one day.  I’m still in church today, and I still love Jesus.  You did the right thing by taking me to church, and making sure I met Jesus and learned scripture.  For that I am eternally grateful.

♫♪  “You showed me how to love
You showed me how to care
And you showed me that you would always be there
I wanna thank you for that time
And I’m proud to say you’re mine

You showed me
When I was young just how to grow
You showed me
Everything that I should know
You showed me
Just how to walk without your hands
Cuz mom you always were
The perfect fan.” ♫♪ 

I have a confession to make… I never cried after you died.  I never knew why.  They way I saw it, God turned your mind off way before He turned off your clock.  When I visited you in the nursing home,  it wasn’t you.  That’s why I could never stay long…  But two paragraphs above, when I typed “I believe you’re in a better place than I am right now,” I finally fell apart… and I’m doing it again right now.

God’s finally giving me the closure that I need… I hope so anyway.  I don’t know why it took this long, but it is what it is.  Every one of us have to make choices that affect the courses of our lives.  But God’s not in the dark… He knows our next move.  And His hand is upon us.  I have to move on, and I have to try to mimic down here on Earth what you’re doing right now… and that’s worshipping Him.

I love you Mom

“The Perfect Fan” by Backstreet Boys contributed to the composition of this post.