Wish You Could Have Been There (for Dad)

“Mark Ewing, THREE MINUTES!”  This was the last warning.  I had to be ready.  This is it!  If I don’t make it through this one, I’m going home with nothing.  I have to make this one really count.  I ran my entire set through my head.  I don’t know why, because I’ve been rehearsing it all day, and I’ve done this particular bit for the entire last year of my comedy tour.  It’s only 90 seconds…  Agghh…  I gotta remember to watch that countdown clock.  I can be disqualified if I go over my time…  Holy cow, am I nervous!

I peer around the corner, and for the first time I can see the theater.  I can see a few of the audience members, but there’s not enough space for me to see the judges.  Maybe that’s a good thing.  I’d be even nervouser…  Is that even a word?  Can you be more than nervous?  Ok… who cares.  Gotta stop thinking about it.

“Mr Ewing, you’re up.”

“D’oh!”

“Finally jumped into the deep end like daytime in the evening,
it got dark out there so fast, it took everything I had
all the fears that I’ve been facing, the mistakes I kept on making,
I changed them all that day, I chased them all away.
I guess you saw this coming long before I did,
You never wondered if I could, you only wondered when…”

I breezed through it.  I actually amazed myself.  I was never buzzed by the judges, nor was I booed by the audience.  This is an amazing feat since comedians typically go through this sort of competition at such a disadvantage.  But, to impress such great people, one who actually inspired me to go into the business in the first place.  Well, actually there was two.  One was sitting in the judge’s chair, and one could not make it to the show.  He couldn’t make it because he passed away three years ago… my Pop.

“Wish you could have been there to see me,
you always believed me, even when I couldn’t believe myself…
Wish you could have been there to see this,
the moment that I witnessed
every single word you said come true.
Wish you could have been there…”

I couldn’t focus on the fact that on such a special day for me, there was not a single person I knew sitting in the audience on my behalf.  There were friends back home who were there in spirit, but I was unable to bring my family to the show because, most of them are all dead.  In five years, I have lost two Uncles, a Grandmother, both parents, and nearly lost a nephew…  Five years.  That’s a lot.

Dad was very funny.  Loved to make people laugh.  He only knew a few, but he was spot on with a handful of impressions.  I’m certain that’s where I got my first love of entertaining others.  Nothing pleased him more than taking someone’s mind away from their worries, even if for even only five minutes.  Even though he was not a stage comedian, I am following in his footsteps… something I really tried to avoid as a child and teen.  I thought he was embarrassing.  It took me stepping into the real world too soon and growing up far too fast to know that he was actually onto something.

“You can’t count on second chances; Lord knows I’ve had a few…
You gave me all the answers; it was up to me to choose.”

Dad never got to see me perform.  I started comedy in 2005, and began touring in 2006.  Dad moved to Texas just months before I performed for my hometown.  About 150 people were in attendance… minus Dad.  He heard a few people tell him about the show, but it was not the same as being there.  I was never able to do a show for him in Texas, although I really wanted to before he died.  He never knew this, but my intention during my show in his town would be to bring him on stage with me and let him do his impressions for a real comedy audience in a real comedy club.  Having a room full of strangers cheer him on would have been a total highlight of his life.  Dang you, pneumonia!

“It took so long for me to realize what you already knew…”

He was my inspiration and driving force behind this whole chaotic thing I now do for a living.  Every time I step on stage, I think of him.  Now, I’m not sure how heaven works… but I believe he is there with people we can only read about here on Earth.  I’d like to believe that every once in a while when I do something positive in this life that the Lord gives him permission to look and see it.  Not sure why I wish this… but I do.

He knew I could pull this off… he always knew I had it in me.  Even though he never encouraged me to go into comedy directly, he simply wanted me to be successful.  In 2012, I really don’t know what success is anymore.  But, I feel that in his eyes, he’d feel that I have achieved something very similar.

Each day, I have to face this world alone.  It’s a long hard road.  Never did I think I’d bury so many family members at such a young age.  But I am playing the cards I’ve been dealt.  When I look at the deck, the Queen of hearts has tears in her eyes, and I am the Joker…  I’m one of the two cards stuffed back in the box, while the other 52 get to play.  But, this is who I am.  I am the minority.  But, I accept it, because I know it’s just the nature of the beast.   It’s what happens when you’re different.  I may indeed be the last to be chosen, but sometimes that’s who God uses to amaze everyone.  Let’s hope I’m in God’s deck.

“Wish You Could Have Been There” by The Oak Ridge Boys contributed to the composition of this post.