The Voice

Hey guys.  This story is a little different, just to give your a heads up.  It’s not “dark” as I have been accused of writing in the past.  You can call it dark if you’d like, but that’s not the way I define it.  To me, it’s just reality and transparency.  We’re all still cool with that, right?  Transparency?

First, I’m making you aware that I am removing editorial boundaries for this story.  I am going to talk to you in this story just as if I were talking to you in person.  I won’t go back and reword or delete any sentences.  The only editing will be that of typos.  This will make the story more authentic.  I believe that’s important sometimes.

I’ve gone through a change over the past several months.  It’s been a bit of a transitional period for me.  Most of you that know me most likely believe that I am extremely outgoing, and you know that I can sometimes be extremely talkative.  ”Loquacious” is a term that’s been attributed to me more times than once.  I have been told many times that I talk “too much.”  That actually used to bother me, until I realized that they were actually right.  I guess that came from the time in my life when I was alone and never had another person to talk to… When someone finally came along, I had so much built up that I “just had to say” and it would spew like a busted water main.  I REALLY had to get that under control.

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Hear Audio Narration of this Story

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The truth of the matter is this… If I talk to you at all, it’s because I like you as a person.  What I mean by that is that I don’t speak to people I don’t like, and I speak very few words to strangers.  I am actually a very shy person.  But, the ones I take the time to communicate with are people who for one reason or another are dear to my heart.  It may be because of an extreme relationship, or simply because that person made me laugh at some point.  Sometimes it takes very little to win my affection.  I guess I take after my dog.

But, over the past few months, that has changed.  I have gotten quieter.  In some areas, I have actually gone silent.  One of those areas, at least partially, is social media.  I used to tweet and update my current status with the usual nonsense that everyone else adds to their online presence as well.  But, it got to the point that it was just routine.  My online friends more than likely picked up on that, because for many months, I began to notice that my tweets and status updates had no replies…  The first thought that honestly went through my head is that I was becoming “boring.”

So, rather than trying to trying to come up with better material, as is said in the comedy scene, I decided to just… stop.  Sorta.  I stopped communicating with my voice… or my “words” rather.  I began taking pictures.  I have an iPhone 5, and it’s with me as long as I am awake, so I always have a camera.  So, I decided to start snapping shots of what was interesting or important to me.  It might be something that I would see while traveling on the road, in a store, or maybe right in my own back yard.  It’s something I really enjoy doing.  I don’t consider myself a photographer by any means, nor do I have any desire to be one… I just like to take pictures, and let others see what I see.  Perhaps they can feel what I felt when I tapped the shutter button.  Hearing my voice through my eyes.  Does that even make sense?  Maybe not, I dunno.

But back to the voice… I’m silencing much of what I used to say.  It’s weird because I actually “speak” for a living.  When I am onstage, I say what I have rehearsed, never any improv, and after I say “thank you, and goodnight…” I am back in my shell.  I am a corporate puppet, I guess you could say, but I am the CEO.  I pull the strings, and I can even cut them if I need to.  I can tie them in knots… Whatever I need to do.  I’m the boss.  I control me.

So, I don’t talk anymore.  I just decided that I no longer wanted to be so busy talking that I was not busy listening.  Some people really believe that what they have to say is so important.  So important that they can drive someone insane just… talking.  I believe I was that person.  I believed that my voice NEEDED to be heard.  I found out… when I stopped talking back in November… this world is still turning without my input.  If I stop taking pictures tomorrow… the world will not stop.  There is nothing that I have to say or do to make this world better.  It’ll take care of itself.  It was sure doing it before I was born, and it’ll certainly keep on after I am gone.  I can be just a face in the crowd.  It’s good that I finally realized that.

My role now is simple.  I just sit back and listen.  I listen to what is around me… the people, the birds, the wind… cicadas.  It’s cool.  I like it.  My phone rarely rings, so I have lowered my calling plan.  I send less texts, I receive even less than I send.  I’ll hit the stage a few times a week, and say what I have written, and it’s back to the hotel, or the bus, or a plane, and then sometimes back home for a break.  Sometimes, I will go an entire day without ever speaking a single word.  It’s actually interesting.  I sometimes don’t even realize that I’ve done it until the end of the day.  I look outside and the moon is still shining… the stars are not falling, and in the morning, the sun still rises in the east.  Nothing changed because of my words, nor the lack thereof.  See how simple it is?

Some of you are probably thinking that I am suffering a breakdown… No.  I’m not.  I’m not depressed. I’m not… anything.  I’m just here.  I am here, and I am in queue for whatever comes next.  I have no idea what “next” will be.  I know that death will happen eventually, and that’s only because of the circle of life.  I’m not going to try to rush it, but I’m not going to rule it out either.  I already know it’ll eventually happen.  But, in the rest of that line between my birth year and my death year, I am just here hanging out.  I’ll keep on saying what I say onstage until the people stop paying me to come back, and I will make it as funny and edgy as I possibly can for as long as I can.  It sure beats honest work!

But, as far as my time offstage, it’s different now.  The voice has spoken.  It feels less clear than before.  It now has a scratchy feel and a gravely sound to it.  It’s not as appealing as before.  Out of tune… no harmony.  That’s really the only way I know to describe it.  Maybe I’ve popped something, and the voice just needs to heal.  Or, maybe I am just wishing for something that’s not meant to be.  Maybe I finally “got it” and I need to accept it, and move along.  I suppose only time will tell.

I just want to let everyone know, I still love you all.  That will never change.  The only thing that is changing is my journey.  I will not look at it as a bad thing, because for me, it’s the road not taken.  I have no idea what lies ahead.  It could be awful, but at the same time, it could be the greatest thing that will ever happen for the remainder of my life.  I won’t know if I don’t try.  I have to try.

But I mean this… I love you all.  I never have, nor will I ever take your friendship lightly.  As I move forward, I will take what I have learned from you, and use it to make better choices on my road ahead.  I am not encouraging anyone to follow my footsteps… This is MY journey.  I travel alone.  Do what works for you.  I’m doing this until it doesn’t work anymore, and even then, I will probably try to make a way where there is no way.  I’m pretty good that way.

Thank you everyone for your kindness, and for your love.  You have all made a difference in my life.  From some it was good, from some… not quite so good… But I soaked it all in like a sponge, and now I am who I am because of whom I surrounded myself with.  That’s what our impact does to those we’re around… never forget that.  We all make some sort of difference.

I don’t know how to properly end this, so I will just say… See ya.

Disconnected in a Connected World

Thanksgiving has been recently determined as America’s favorite holiday.  This data was gathered by tweets and status updates from popular social networks Twitter and Facebook.  Many users begin 30 days of thanks in November and express sincere, and sometimes humorously random reasons they are thankful in their life.  We live in a a very “connected” world where it doesn’t take but a few clicks to find out how our friends and acquaintances are doing… or do we really know at all?

Just a few days ago, On Saturday, December 1, Jovan Belcher, a linebacker for the Kansas City Chiefs, shot and killed his girlfriend and then committed suicide.  On Sunday, December 2, the Kansas City Chiefs won their game against the Carolina Panthers in what Panthers coach Ron Rivera called “an inspired game.” After the game Brady Quinn, the Kansas City quarterback, spoke to the press about the game and this horrific tragedy. More specifically, he was asked to speak about the emotion he felt after the game.

“It was tough. I think it was an eerie feeling after a win because you don’t think that you can win in this situation. The one thing people can hopefully try to take away, I guess, is the relationships they have with people. I know when it happened, I was sitting and, in my head, thinking what I could have done differently. When you ask someone how they are doing, do you really mean it? When you answer someone back how you are doing, are you really telling the truth? We live in a society of social networks, with Twitter pages and Facebook, and that’s fine, but we have contact with our work associates, our family, our friends, and it seems like half the time we are more preoccupied with our phone and other things going on instead of the actual relationships that we have right in front of us. Hopefully people can learn from this and try to actually help if someone is battling something deeper on the inside than what they are revealing on a day-to-day basis.” Said Quinn.

Quinn’s words are a reminder of the absence of direct communication between humans in this digital generation.  We’ve gone from speaking face to face to phone calls, from phone calls to text messages, from text messages to status updates or tweets… And the digital barrier goes on and on.  That’s not to say that social networking and using devices such as iPhones, iPads and computers to stay connected don’t have a place in our lives, because they certainly do, and they do help us stay connected. But they can’t, shouldn’t and don’t replace the in-person interactions that are so valuable to the relationships in our lives. That’s exactly what Brady Quinn reminded us about.

When he asks: “When you ask someone how they are doing, do you really mean it?” he challenges each of us to examine the sincerity with which we engage people. His horror and shock at what has happened with a teammate and friend has caused him to ask us all to reassess what is important in our own relationships in our lives.

The overall question to bring home is “What can we do to be better friends to those in our lives whom we call our friends and loved ones?”  The lesson is that we should all be more attentive to the people whose lives are intertwined with ours, through our families or our friends or our places of work.  We enter and exit this world alone, but in between those moments, we are part of a broader and more complex fabric that provides us with support and commands it from us as well.

We should take the time to turn off and put down those devices and focus on the people in our lives sincerely.  “Liking” or “retweeting” their words or photographs on social networking is nowhere near the same as just telling someone what you’re thinking or how you feel.  140 characters or less can never replace the human voice.  It’s quick, convenient, and very trendy… But it also builds a digital wall around you that can take much work to dismantle.  It’s become both a blessing and a curse.  Don’t choose the latter.  This is something we should consider the next time we’re more worried about interacting with someone who isn’t in the room than someone who is.

My Final Tweet

Twitter is undoubtedly one of the most popular social networks, behind Facebook.  It’s the medium we use to communicate to the world.  Unless you have a blocked account, anyone who knows your @TwitterHandle can read what you type.  We can see what Ashton Kutcher is saying, we can get tour dates for our favorite band, and we can see Kanye West publically apologize for his chronic bad behavior.  I heard it said best… “Facebook is for people you went to school with.  Twitter is for people you WISH you went to school with.”

In 140 characters or less, we define who we are to the world.  Some of us are funny, some are serious.  Some of us are sports fanatics, while some don’t have a clue.  There are some who will tell you when they are tweeting from the toilet, and there’s some that “toilet tweet” and we never even know.  (Sorry, had to do that…)  There are those tweets that are inspirational, and there are the ones that make us click “unfollow.”

Some of us tweet like there is no tomorrow… literally.  I’m not saying that they tweet, and tweet, and tweet… (although some do) but I am referring to the ones that don’t understand that the tweet they just posted could very well be their final tweet.

What does that tweet say about us?  When we get the call that “John” suddenly died, and we follow John… we might go back and look at his timeline.  What was his last tweet?  What was he thinking before he suddenly left us?  Where was his heart?  This is serious, guys…

I’m not saying that we should not have fun with Twitter, because I certainly have a lot of fun with it.  I have also been one of the ones who has been guilty of compromising my true character to the world through the site.  It’s not difficult to tweet into the flesh and look like a reprobate.

So, I’d like to pre-tweet my final tweet for the world to see.

“If this is my final tweet, please let it be known that I loved God and loved people.”

Your final tweet could very well be your legacy.  What legacy do you want to leave behind?  This is mine, plain and simple.  Regardless of what you ever hear about me, this is my heart.  It’s why I do what I do.  It’s why I step on stage with a mic, and it’s why I sit down with an iPad and type these stories you read every week.  It’s about love.  I’m about love.

With only 140 characters to choose from, I will try to make you laugh, and I will try to make you think.  Above all, I want to make sure you have the chance to know my best friend, Jesus Christ.  He saved my life, and He did the same for you.  He’s the best example of what love really is, and He wants us to love Him and love each other.  That’s what I wanna do.  You?